I've often wondered how anyone can look around at the world and say that there is no God. Then I remember that I had been at a point where I had thought if there is a God he doesn't care, or maybe there wasn't one. It's really easy to get to that point, people don't realize that or if they do they chose to ignore it. I'm grateful that even through the times I doubted he never gave up on me and continued to bless me.
At sixteen I was diagnosed with an eye problem. My eyes and optic nerves were swelling and scaring. The worse part about the whole thing is the Doctors couldn't figure out why. I was hit with test after test. Cat scans, MRI, and spinal tap. You name it they did it to me trying to figure out what was wrong. Everyone kept telling me Heavenly Father would watch over me and help me get through this ordeal. I was sixteen. This wasn't what being this age was supposed to be about. I started to doubt at this point, i mean how could me possibly loosing my eyesight be a part of His plan for me?
I tried praying and I kept getting the same answer. That things would work out. How could they though when the Doctors couldn't find the cause of the problem? It made no since. As I was put on medicines that made me sick I thought for sure that the voice I was hearing was my own telling myself what I wanted to hear.
Then right before I turned 18 my Mom passed away and I was back on my meds for my eyes. I was still praying and trying to figure out what was going on. Why was I having to go through all this? What was the point? I mean Heavenly Father is supposed to want the best for us, how was this the best for me? Again I got the answer that everything would be fine and it would be revealed in time. Well I didn't want to wait, I wanted the answer now.
Alaska came after that. It was there that I got my answer. That was when I really came to know God. Partially through study and also through just being in a place that you could see His marvels abound. Once I had my answer I thought that was it. I had gotten what I was looking for so I could stop trying so hard. But by stopping I started thinking more about how I was going to do things, how I was going to get what I wanted. It was about me and I didn't care about the people I hurt along the way. I became very hard hearted and wasn't worried about anyone but me.
I had glimpsed the truth and chose the quick and easy path instead of working for something that mattered. I wanted satisfaction now. That was a very dark time for me. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. However if I could go back and change it I wouldn't. Those things I wont talk about here, but it is enough for me to say that because of them I was able to learn even more.
Moving to Utah I meet a man at school who reached out to me. He touched my life in such a gentle way and showed me what it was that was making me so miserable. Because someone cared to reach out to a stranger my life has improved so much.
I had the light and I chose the dark. That is part of the beauty of what God does. He loves us enough that he is willing to let us make our mistakes, he isn't going to force us to do the right thing. People ask why he allows bad things to happen to good people. To them I say because he loves us he allows each of us to chose, sometimes the choices people make lead to bad things happening. He will hold each of us accountable for what we chose.
I know there is a God. I know my Heavenly Father loves me. There is no doubt it my mind. I still don't know the full reason why things have to happen the way they do, but I do know that each step along they way he wants to be there for us we just have to let him. If life was easy we would never grow, if life was fair we wouldn't appreciate what we had, if there was no sadness we could never know joy.
I watch my Father and see how much pain he goes through because of his children when we do something that leads to a bad end. I see him want to rescue us but there isn't anything he can do to make it better. I can only imagine what our Father in Heaven feels.
I watched as his son was suffered in the garden for us. He stood by as his son was beaten and taunted. He allowed them to nail him to a tree. He did this so we might have a way back to him. Christ was willing to do this for us. The love they have is amazing and at times I don't feel I'm worth it. I am though. God loves us, Christ loves us. I know this and I had to share it. I don't know how well I did but I hope that you can feel their love as much as I do. I am so grateful to have their love in my life.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
I'm bad at posting
So I have this blog and I don't hardly post in it. When I started this I had the best of intentions. I was going to write in it everyday and my thoughts were going to change the world. Yeah well that didn't happen. I keep forgetting to post or I don't feel like posting, things that I shouldn't let stop me. I guess there is a plus, at least I remember I have it and make a post from time to time. It's better then never posting in it. I'm really going to work on posting in it more.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
There is Enough Stupid in Washington Already
Abstract
The atmosphere in Washington is one of winning and causing the other guy to lose. If we stay on this course our country will suffer. In order to get back to what we once were it is going to take an effort on everyone’s part to stop blaming the other guy. “Whether it's done through a third party or reforming the two we already have, we need candidates and leaders who prize the virtues of bipartisanship and solving problems over blame-game politics.” (Harman, 2011)
There is Enough Stupid in Washington Already
One can only imagine what those men who meet in that hall in Philadelphia were thinking as they signed their names to a document that would found a whole new nation. Fear and optimism must have been high, one misstep and it would all be for naught. Yet these men of different backgrounds and trades came together to forge not one document, The Declaration of Independence, but two, The Constitution. Their goal was to make this a nation unlike any other with freedoms we could cherish. However today’s Congress is much different. It isn’t about working together but destroying the other party. In order for this country to pull out of its nosedive both parties must begin working together in a true bipartisan effort.
“ Today, representatives would rather blame the other guy for not solving a problem than work with him or her on a bipartisan solution.” (Harman, 2011) It is a sad state of affaires we find out selves in when those we send to Washington to represent us are more interested in blaming the other person then getting things done. Instead of working together to fix a problem they compound it to the point that no one is happy with the final outcome. One needs only to look at the most recent debt crisis to see this in action. Instead of working out a solution that would benefit the nation, they instead fought and bickered to the point that the rest of the world has downgraded our economy and doesn’t trust us to be the nation we once were regarding our debts.
Who wins in this type of situation? No one. When election season comes around each side will in turn blame the other for what they see as a failure to compromise. Yet how can there be compromise if both sides refuse too. “Working together requires sharing the credit-but that might give the other party an opportunity to win.” (Harman, 2011) There was a time when this wasn’t the thinking in America. Sadly though the mentality of your either with us or against us has become a pandemic. Both JFK and Regan knew the power of working together to forge something great, to carry on the tradition set by our Founding Fathers as an example.
It is hard to blame one party for the current atmosphere in Washington. It would be much easier if there were a clear-cut bad guy in this situation. Yet how can there be when everyone is corrupt? We are all Americans wanting a better world to live in. We want a home for our families, food to feed them, an education for our children, and the safety of knowing that tomorrow is coming. So then why is it so hard for those that we elect, who promise to work for these things, to do it?
The answer is simple the system needs to change. We cannot keep heading in the direction we are going if we want this country to be still standing in a hundred years. The true enemy of freedom isn’t some foreign land but the greed in our own system. Only when we start working together for the good of our citizens can we truly begin to be a united nation. Is there more then one way to do something? Of course there is. But does that mean one way is right and the other wrong? No, it just means we will have to work harder to find a solution that works for everyone. Bipartisan is what we need to work towards. We need to stop electing people who only want to work for themselves and start electing people that will work for us.
References
Bibliography
Harman, J. (2011, August 15). Escape From the Asylum; Watching the debt crisis, a former congresswoman yearns for a lost bipartisan era. Newsweek , 158 (7).
The atmosphere in Washington is one of winning and causing the other guy to lose. If we stay on this course our country will suffer. In order to get back to what we once were it is going to take an effort on everyone’s part to stop blaming the other guy. “Whether it's done through a third party or reforming the two we already have, we need candidates and leaders who prize the virtues of bipartisanship and solving problems over blame-game politics.” (Harman, 2011)
There is Enough Stupid in Washington Already
One can only imagine what those men who meet in that hall in Philadelphia were thinking as they signed their names to a document that would found a whole new nation. Fear and optimism must have been high, one misstep and it would all be for naught. Yet these men of different backgrounds and trades came together to forge not one document, The Declaration of Independence, but two, The Constitution. Their goal was to make this a nation unlike any other with freedoms we could cherish. However today’s Congress is much different. It isn’t about working together but destroying the other party. In order for this country to pull out of its nosedive both parties must begin working together in a true bipartisan effort.
“ Today, representatives would rather blame the other guy for not solving a problem than work with him or her on a bipartisan solution.” (Harman, 2011) It is a sad state of affaires we find out selves in when those we send to Washington to represent us are more interested in blaming the other person then getting things done. Instead of working together to fix a problem they compound it to the point that no one is happy with the final outcome. One needs only to look at the most recent debt crisis to see this in action. Instead of working out a solution that would benefit the nation, they instead fought and bickered to the point that the rest of the world has downgraded our economy and doesn’t trust us to be the nation we once were regarding our debts.
Who wins in this type of situation? No one. When election season comes around each side will in turn blame the other for what they see as a failure to compromise. Yet how can there be compromise if both sides refuse too. “Working together requires sharing the credit-but that might give the other party an opportunity to win.” (Harman, 2011) There was a time when this wasn’t the thinking in America. Sadly though the mentality of your either with us or against us has become a pandemic. Both JFK and Regan knew the power of working together to forge something great, to carry on the tradition set by our Founding Fathers as an example.
It is hard to blame one party for the current atmosphere in Washington. It would be much easier if there were a clear-cut bad guy in this situation. Yet how can there be when everyone is corrupt? We are all Americans wanting a better world to live in. We want a home for our families, food to feed them, an education for our children, and the safety of knowing that tomorrow is coming. So then why is it so hard for those that we elect, who promise to work for these things, to do it?
The answer is simple the system needs to change. We cannot keep heading in the direction we are going if we want this country to be still standing in a hundred years. The true enemy of freedom isn’t some foreign land but the greed in our own system. Only when we start working together for the good of our citizens can we truly begin to be a united nation. Is there more then one way to do something? Of course there is. But does that mean one way is right and the other wrong? No, it just means we will have to work harder to find a solution that works for everyone. Bipartisan is what we need to work towards. We need to stop electing people who only want to work for themselves and start electing people that will work for us.
References
Bibliography
Harman, J. (2011, August 15). Escape From the Asylum; Watching the debt crisis, a former congresswoman yearns for a lost bipartisan era. Newsweek , 158 (7).
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Character
Men best show their character in trifles, where they are not on their guard. It is in the simplest habits, that we often see the boundless egotism which pays no regard to the feelings of others and denies nothing to itself.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
Every man, as to character, is the creature of the age in which he lives. Very few are able to raise themselves above the ideas of their times.
~Voltaire
~Arthur Schopenhauer
Every man, as to character, is the creature of the age in which he lives. Very few are able to raise themselves above the ideas of their times.
~Voltaire
Waiting for the darkness
I'm still awake at 11:17 pm. I should be asleep, resting for the morning so I can wake up fresh and ready to take a test for my psyc class. But I can't sleep. I can't sleep cause my mind wont shut off. It would be great if I could figure out how to silence it. I often wonder about some people and how empty their minds seem. I wonder how they can be content to go through life like that. I also wonder about people who are so encumbered by worry that they never smile. The only thing they seem to enjoy doing is worrying even more and don't know what to do if there is nothing to worry about. My mind wonders. Focus on sleep. That is the goal.
Goal, yes goal. Graduation. Oh how wonderful that will be. To actually be able to say I did it for my self. That it was my hard work that got me to that point. That stupid class. That psyc class online that makes me want to pull my hair out because it makes since and none at the same time. Not again, mind wondering. Must get it back onto thinking about sleep.
Sleep, I wonder how those in power sleep at night. I mean how can they look in the mirror and be okay with themselves? They are put in by the people to represent the people but in the end they represent themselves. Why punish the people cause they can't do their job, why not stop there own pay and take that money to pay those who have earned it with years of hard work.
Hard work, oh I wish I could find work. I hate waiting. I nailed that interview. I should have the job now. I shouldn't have to wait. Wait. Yes I'm waiting for sleep. Sleep wont come with thoughts going through my head. I need to sleep. I wont sleep though. Not soundly. I'll toss and turn and wake up feeling like I haven't sleept. Maybe I shouldn't sleep. Wait to sleep when exhaustion overtakes me.
I can't do that. Close my eyes and focus on sleep. That's what I need to do. Restless sleep is better then no sleep.
Goal, yes goal. Graduation. Oh how wonderful that will be. To actually be able to say I did it for my self. That it was my hard work that got me to that point. That stupid class. That psyc class online that makes me want to pull my hair out because it makes since and none at the same time. Not again, mind wondering. Must get it back onto thinking about sleep.
Sleep, I wonder how those in power sleep at night. I mean how can they look in the mirror and be okay with themselves? They are put in by the people to represent the people but in the end they represent themselves. Why punish the people cause they can't do their job, why not stop there own pay and take that money to pay those who have earned it with years of hard work.
Hard work, oh I wish I could find work. I hate waiting. I nailed that interview. I should have the job now. I shouldn't have to wait. Wait. Yes I'm waiting for sleep. Sleep wont come with thoughts going through my head. I need to sleep. I wont sleep though. Not soundly. I'll toss and turn and wake up feeling like I haven't sleept. Maybe I shouldn't sleep. Wait to sleep when exhaustion overtakes me.
I can't do that. Close my eyes and focus on sleep. That's what I need to do. Restless sleep is better then no sleep.
To Dream
I close my eyes and wait for sleep
I dare to dream and let my mind fly
Yet bound to Earth and cares not mine
Tortured by things I cannot control
I close my eyes and wait for sleep
Oh open damn eyes and see the light
Darkness blinds letting hatred grow
I dare to dream and my mind fly
Not dreams but nightmares plag my mind
Atrocities abound across the canvas of my sleep
I close my eyes and wait for sleep
I am not sleeping, I am not dreaming
I am awake, and I weep
I dare to dream and let my mind fly
Yet bound to Earth and cares not mine
Tortured by things I cannot control
I close my eyes and wait for sleep
Oh open damn eyes and see the light
Darkness blinds letting hatred grow
I dare to dream and my mind fly
Not dreams but nightmares plag my mind
Atrocities abound across the canvas of my sleep
I close my eyes and wait for sleep
I am not sleeping, I am not dreaming
I am awake, and I weep
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
What friendship means to me
Friendship to me isn't just about being there when things are good, but also when things are bad. It's putting up with some of their stupid quirks because they put up with yours. It is wanting to see them happy even if it means they walk away from you. Sometimes someone being happy means that you only play a small part in their life.
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